In the Dark
by aficionada-de-libros
Summary: He was only moments away from losing it altogether, and he knew it, and he needed to stop it. - Tag to episode 3x06


**_A/N: This is an episode tag to 3x06, because I was not at all pleased with the ending. And when I'm not pleased with something, I start rewriting it in my head; so I thought I might as well put it in black-and-white. No warnings except that the rating is for dark themes in general and some language. Obviously, there will be some spoilers for the episode in question, and a blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to episode 3x20. Bromance, never slash; hopefully largely in character. Unbetaed oneshot, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone._**

**_Disclaimer: The only things that belong to me are my over-active imagination and my laptop._**

**In the Dark**

Steve kept telling himself that this was ridiculous. That Danny was a grown man, a highly trained law enforcement officer at that, and – unlike Steve, and couldn't he just hear Danny's tone with the words that were running through his head – emotionally _very_ competent. That he himself was an even more highly trained military officer, thoroughly equipped to deal with any and all sorts of harrowing situations, and their fallout, that his job threw at him on a daily basis.

Still, here he was, sitting on Danny's doorstep, waiting for his partner to return from the father-daughter dance that almost didn't happen because of –

_Shit_, not again. What was wrong with him, anyway? Had civilian life made him _that _soft, that any thought of the … _situation_ … earlier got him all choked up? He tried to take a deep breath, to swallow down the painful lump that seemed to have taken permanent residence in his throat, to blink away the tears that shot up in his eyes. It didn't help. He only hoped all of the neighbours would mind their own business and pay him no heed, because he absolutely could not stop the sob that threatened to strangle him.

He needed to pull himself together before Danny returned. If he felt so rattled, he couldn't even begin to imagine how Danny was feeling. _Get a grip, McGarrett, _he shouted at himself in the best drill sergeant voice he could come up with in his head, accompanied by a mental kick in the butt. _You're a Navy SEAL, for goodness' sake, not some delicate little school girl! _Only that the words "little school girl" did nothing to help his emotional state, as Grace's sweet, innocent face immediately came to mind.

_Get out of here. If something happens to me, I need you to take care of Grace._ Danny's urgent words echoed in his mind, for about the hundredth time this evening. But he couldn't have moved, not if he had wanted to. And what if the bomb had detonated? Then he couldn't have done what his best friend needed him to do most. And that would have been maybe the greatest failure of his life. Not that he would have had a chance to regret it.

Steve slapped a badly shaking hand over his eyes and curled the fingers of his other hand into a tight fist. He was only moments away from losing it altogether, and he knew it, and he needed to stop it.

A heavy thump beside him almost made him jump out of his skin. His head whipped around and Danny's haggard face came into view. "You look like crap, man." The words were quiet, almost gentle.

"Puked my guts out behind the bomb squad truck", Steve blurted out before he could stop himself. _Smooth, McGarrett. That's exactly what your partner needs to hear right now._

A tired chuckle bubbled up beside him in the dark. "That's reassuring."

Steve snorted and shook his head, then turned serious again. "How are you doing?"

Danny leant back against the door, sitting closely beside Steve, almost but not quite touching. "I don't know", he replied honestly.

For a while they just sat there, in the dark, on Danny's doorstep. Danny seemed lost in thought, while Steve had all senses on high alert for the slightest indication of his best friend's physical and emotional state. He didn't like the strange lack of body heat, and he was worried about the irregular breathing. Just as he was debating with himself whether or not he needed to take action, Danny spoke again.

"Why didn't you go?"

Steve leant slightly forward and turned his head so he got a more or less good look at Danny's face. Whatever he saw in Danny's eyes – he couldn't name it, partly because he wasn't a walking dictionary like his partner, partly because it was something he had never seen before – made him drop any thought of playing dumb in order to see where this was going.

"I couldn't. I … I just couldn't."

"Couldn't … what exactly?"

Suddenly Steve felt colder than he had all evening. "I couldn't go and leave you there to die alone", he whispered. He tried and failed to draw a breath, and a choking sound escaped his lungs.

With stunning precision, Danny's hand found Steve's in the dark and latched onto it like there was no tomorrow. "What on earth were you thinking, eh? You could have died, too! And then what? What about Grace? And what about Catherine? That woman loves you, and my little girl needs you!"

"I couldn't do it again!", Steve fairly shouted through his tears. "I was forced to do it once, leave my best friend to die alone at the enemy's hand, and it killed me! Forgive me for being human, but I just could not do that again!" His hand tightened around Danny's and he let out a wretched sob.

"So you'd rather die?" Soft, tender, and a little incredulous, Danny's voice made its way into Steve's consciousness, and right on into his heart.

"Yeah."

Danny wouldn't have been able to describe what this one barely audible word did to his heart, even if his life had depended on it. He wanted to rant, but he couldn't. He wanted to pound some sense into his best friend, but he felt like a hypocrite just at the thought of it. So he did the only thing he could think of. Never letting go of Steve's hand, and never looking at him, he scooted closer until he was flush against Steve's side, put his other hand on Steve's biceps and rubbed it gently in a soothing motion. "Thank you", he whispered and let his hand rest on Steve's arm.

As if he had just been waiting for a cue, Steve's other hand landed on Danny's and took hold of it. And if both of them woke up in the middle of the night, still holding on to each other, neither of them ever mentioned it, and neither of them ever forgot.


End file.
